Written by: Michal Peceny
I was excited, curious and yet I could also feel some internal tightness when there was only one week left until Keishin.
I read the preparation email from Rebecca Ryan Roshi a couple of times not to miss any important information or any of the preparation exercises.
The instructions from Rebecca were very clear and caught my immediate attention:
"The essential attitude for keishin is not ‘get through’ but ‘breakthrough.’
Expect a roller coaster, and don’t take any emotion too seriously.
Help the group. Even when you feel you have nothing left to give, feeling where you can be of use to others will keep pulling you forward.
Stay curious. Keishin does its best work on you when you’re hungry for improvement and continuous exploration.”
And there I sat on the Zoom video call on the first day, ready with my tea, Hara belt and a good amount of curiosity. I was ready to receive AND to give. We were aligned horizontally as well as vertically on the computer screen, mostly in dark clothes. “Dojo of One” was tangible before Rebecca even spoke to the term. Some old and some new faces, all preparing for the first Sit.
I didn’t know how long we would sit for one stretch during the following four days, but I was expecting up until an hour without break. And an hour in silence without moving can be challenging on so many levels…
Right from the beginning, Rebecca presented the “four pillars of the training tarp” for us to have a raft that can be lifesaving should the sea get choppy:
- Why are you here?
- Interoception
- Openness
- Minimize “me, my, mine.”
I was in contact with all four for four days. Not one pillar a day but all at the same time – all the time.
And so: Why was I there? Why was I REALLY there? Why was I REALLY REALLY there?
This question is and has been the question I’ve been pondering at least half of my life. Why do we train our bodies to raise our consciousness? Why is this important? And maybe the most mystical one: Why does this question actually arise at all?
Well, what I can say with absolute certainty is, that regardless of why we train in this manner, we want with sincerity, patience and compassion for ourselves and for our fellow travelers, to reach our greatest potential. We desire to awaken with help of our compassionate hearts. And maybe one lovely day, we can taste peace beyond all human understanding. To paraphrase Rebecca: “We are training ourselves for others – to save us and All Beings.”
Interoception, as a felt sense of inner body processes, was an absolute necessity to have with me. Without interoception, or how I subjectively perceive the inner world, this previous “Why” would have no support at all. We need to flip the attention from “out there to in here,” sit still without moving and feel and see with the inner eye what is happening. Rebecca encouraged us: Let’s train intensely together at Keishin and see what can happen!”
Openness is another essential parameter when meeting whatever needs to be met. But how to stay open? “Well, stop closing!” - Rebecca told us, with a smile on her face. Something (or someone?) within us wants to close all the time. Why is that? Is there any fear to be transformed, are there any boundaries which constrain us? Are there programs running unconsciously in habitual loops?
I needed to pay attention to what was happening in me. And needed to come back whenever I found myself not paying attention. This “coming back muscle” is an efficient and amazing tool for our training. There was a lot happening in me: my mind’s chatter box, my asleep legs, my upper back hurting, my impatience… all of these visited while I was deliberately trying to breathe slowly and deeply into Hara. And here Rebecca’s words came in handy: “minimize me, my, mine.” Suddenly the whole “meat suit” was a different place to be in. I was no longer identified with the pain or the mind chatter. In an instant, I tasted a small drop of freedom.
Okyo practice is a practice I can embark on whenever. Being immersed in hinduistic chanting for more than two decades, Okyo was another way to vibrate with the rhythm of the Divine. In the future, I would love to learn the chant “Hakuin Osho Zazen Wasan” and be immersed in the sound, rhythm, percussion and the ancient words, names and wisdom of the great Asian Zen Masters.
To sit zazen, stretch, cook, chant and listen to the powerful words of Rebecca while feeling the One Body on the Zoom screen training as One, felt like both a taming and an educating of my little “I” or ego. The little “I” that needs to understand that it is indeed a very important part of the Buddha Nature. And yet its importance needs to subside for us to realize ourselves as Whole.
“People are whole as they are”. Once I fully embody this sentence, I can - maybe - come closer to what Samadhi really IS.
IS = no bucket, no water, no reflection of the moon. NOW and forever REAL.
Michal Peceny is an engineer by training and works as a project manager at Aibel A/S in Norway. Amidst a busy daily routine, he relies heavily on his daily meditation practice, high doses of movement and connection with nature. He is a MovNat certified trainer and a longtime yoga practitioner and teaches meditation, movement classes and retreats when time allows. He has recently completed his Zen Leader Coach certification.
He has always been drawn to the integration of movement, science and spirituality.
In recent years, through the Zen Leadership certification program, he has found new ways to explore this integration further, thus growing and learning by applying the “flips” of the Zen Leader.
He is currently based in Harstad, Northern Norway, with his wife and two children.