Distilling Conflation
Photo: Created by ChatGPT using DALL-E, an image generation tool by OpenAI.
By Michael Basil
Conversations, like storms, carry energy. Some flow smoothly, like a light breeze. Others intensify, charged with friction or withdrawal. And then there are those that spiral — where different energies collide, past and present blur, and clarity is lost in the turbulence.
These moments often stem from conflated conversations — where unresolved emotions, assumptions, and historical narratives distort the present exchange. Navigation requires recognizing the shifting energies at play.
🔥 Flare-Ups: When Overactive Driver Energy Takes Over
A flare-up happens when an interaction triggers deep-seated tensions. Overactive Driver energy surges forward, demanding resolution before true understanding has formed. It’s like a summer storm — pressure builds, emotions strike like lightning, and words sharpen into thunder.
Conflation happens when past grievances mix with the present, amplifying reactions. A minor disagreement swells into a larger narrative. What started as a discussion turns into a battle of past and present wounds.
To shift this:
Recognize the rise of Driver energy before force overrides flow.
Separate past emotions from present conversations.
Soften intensity by listening beyond immediate reactions.
🧊 Ice-Outs: Absence in Place of Engagement
When withdrawal replaces engagement, an ice-out occurs. This isn’t just silence — it’s the absence of Driver energy when presence is needed. It can be a protective retreat or a passive form of control.
In conflated conversations, ice-outs deepen the gap. One person disengages, the other feels unheard, and unspoken tensions freeze into place. The conversation stops, but the storm still looms.
The key to transformation is:
Clarifying if space is for reflection or avoidance.
Re-engaging with intention, not passive withdrawal.
Ensuring absence creates clarity, not deeper confusion.
🌪️ Tornado Conversations: The Energy of Unresolved Patterns
Some conversations spiral into something larger than either person intended — a storm pulling in past frustrations, future fears, and present misalignment. A tornado conversation isn’t just about the present moment; it’s a fusion of overactive Driver and Organizer energy, looping into chaos.
Choices:
Let the tornado touch down and rebuild with awareness.
Hold steady, preventing unnecessary destruction.
Redirect the energy into open, constructive movement.
☯️ The Practice: Unraveling, Not Resisting
Transformation happens not by avoiding storms but by learning to move with their energy. Every storm is an opportunity to:
Notice when past emotions distort present discussions.
Hold steady in ice-outs — neither forcing nor freezing.
Allow storms to reform, not destroy.
When we separate the past from the present, conversations shift from conflict to clarity. It’s not about avoiding friction, but engaging with awareness — so every interaction moves toward transformation.
Michael Basil is a FEBI Certified coach, ZL Practitioner, and founder of the Mindset Dojo.
